Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:icondeadfish-silentarmy: More from Deadfish-SilentArmy


Featured in Collections

Literature by Writingangel2010

Literature by gothikuk


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
April 6, 2014
Image Size
60.8 KB
Resolution
500×336
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
536
Favourites
40 (who?)
Comments
26
×


Be proud of your scars
they got you where you are
and if people don't understand - never be ashamed
'cause it's their loss and my gain

I've got old wounds too
I can see me in you
many can't comprehend the still quietness within
a place we put our pain and our love for our kin

My enemies think my kindness makes me weak
but my heart is a secret - only the ones I love can hear it beat

They stood against you and made me a foe
never under estimate your enemy - they should know!
they touch one of mine
a slow death is the way they'll die

'cause I may be kind
but they hurt my own - they cross the line
I'll flay them to the bone
with no remorse or conscience to atone

'cause we stand together
back to back - we've got each others forever
your scars and mine
make us who we are - on our journey through time.
This was inspired by a really good friend.

The picture is not mine.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlmw-creations:
Vision: Three and a half stars. After reading the title I was expecting there to be a bit more imagery. I could see a faded picture of the story portraying, although it wasn't a perfect perception. Nonetheless, it was still there.

Originality: Four and a half stars. The perspective you took it through was so different. Nothing judgmental, and the way a connection was transcribed in the words wasn't written in a way it usually is. I can't quite describe it, but it's surely something unique.

Technique: Four stars. Nothing really jumped out at me to say here, but your phrasing through this is still something worth putting here. When reading it, it doesn't feel rushed but it doesn't feel as though it's being endlessly carried out. And with the occasional line that lasts longer than how the others are written, it gives it a sweet effect.

Impact: Four and a half stars. It was the impact that caused me to write this critique. About halfway through, what to say started circulating through my head. If only there were words to express the way I felt when I finished reading this. Not quite a saddening feel, but nothing to make me feel very happy. Not near the edge of anger or any other feelings. It was like a perfect and wonderful neutral effect. I simply can't find the words, so I'll leave it to the stars to tell.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:icondemonrobber:
demonrobber Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014
Emotional scars remind us of our journey. It is good to have friends who will protect you and stand by you in troubled times. Together we are stronger. An uplifting piece of verse.
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks, I appreciate that
Reply
:iconvicky-eirene:
Vicky-Eirene Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  Student General Artist
Beautiful!! Ilove it!!
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you
Reply
:iconbutter-holiday:
butter-holiday Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014
I love this. Your friend sounds very lucky to have you :)
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you.
Reply
:iconzylund:
Zylund Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my gosh T^T
I used to say so many similar things to my ex-girlfriend when we were going out because she was a cutter and I would comfort her all the time with stuff like this.
woah.
I love it soo much <333
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you, it was written with that in mind too, scars are apparent in all of us whether emotional, physical, or self inflicted...so I am glad in a way that the feel of this poem came through.
Reply
:iconzylund:
Zylund Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You are most welcome! Thank you for writing such lovely, touching pieces!
That was likely the highlight of my night as far as art goes c:
You did a spectacular job!
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Now that is too kind, thank you, it means a lot!
Reply
:iconzylund:
Zylund Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It is nothing short of the truth my friend (:
I am glad that is so c:
Reply
:iconmysocksrock:
MySocksRock Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014
:)  You know... my 4 year old daughter had to have 60% of her intestines removed when she was not even 2 months old.  She swelled up so much from the surgery that the incision split open and they couldn't stitch it back up.  The doctors put some sort of weird meshy stuff on her and said it would act like skin until new skin grew back.  So now she has this horrible jagged scar all the way across her tummy.  I figured it is good I have a scar across my neck, she wont feel so different.  One day recently though she pointed to it and asked me where it came from.  I tried so hard not to cry explaining it to her.  That little girl has more strength in her than most people I will ever know.. including myself.  And that scar proves it.

There I go again with the stories.  But that is why this was special for me to read.
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I really don't know how to reply to that story, it sounds like both yourself and your daughter have been through a traumatic and rough time, I appreciate you taking the time to touch on what I expect is a very emotional subject in order to explain your relation to my poem.
I am pleased that the general feel of the song has come through with strength and was not lost on paper, as I find that it's one thing to write a poem and completely a different thing to relay to the reader the emotion felt at the time of writing.

So thankyou kindly for reading this, and I hope it wasn't too upsetting to read.
Reply
:iconannabelllee17:
AnnaBellLee17 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student Writer
a sign of true friendship!
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks, true friends are hard to find, so when you have one they're worth fighting for eh!
Reply
:iconannabelllee17:
AnnaBellLee17 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014  Student Writer
indeed. especially when you are socially isolated... you tend to value them more.
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Tell me about it!
Reply
:iconannabelllee17:
AnnaBellLee17 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014  Student Writer
seems like you know all about it.
Reply
:iconwhiskeybaby:
Whiskeybaby Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014
Awesome words written really well and totally inspiring to me to move past all the scars im ashamed of thanks for writing this its really good
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're are more than welcome, I'm glad that it inspired you, scars are slow to heal but they don't need to hold you back.
Reply
:iconwhiskeybaby:
Whiskeybaby Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014
ya thats true lol :)
Reply
:iconrussianbear09:
Russianbear09 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm happy that your friend has someone like you, and you have them. This was beautiful and I can't wait to tea more of your works. :)
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you kindly very much!
Reply
:iconrussianbear09:
Russianbear09 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Anytime, I enjoy reading your work.
Reply
:iconrbmetalguitar:
RBMetalGuitar Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
...beautiful... :')
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you kindly.
Reply
Add a Comment: