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poems by little-wolf-child

THIS IS AMAZING by DaSpazGurl

Literature by gothikuk


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Submitted on
April 6
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60.8 KB
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500×336
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484
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Be proud of your scars
they got you where you are
and if people don't understand - never be ashamed
'cause it's their loss and my gain

I've got old wounds too
I can see me in you
many can't comprehend the still quietness within
a place we put our pain and our love for our kin

My enemies think my kindness makes me weak
but my heart is a secret - only the ones I love can hear it beat

They stood against you and made me a foe
never under estimate your enemy - they should know!
they touch one of mine
a slow death is the way they'll die

'cause I may be kind
but they hurt my own - they cross the line
I'll flay them to the bone
with no remorse or conscience to atone

'cause we stand together
back to back - we've got each others forever
your scars and mine
make us who we are - on our journey through time.
This was inspired by a really good friend.

The picture is not mine.
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:iconlmw-creations:
Vision: Three and a half stars. After reading the title I was expecting there to be a bit more imagery. I could see a faded picture of the story portraying, although it wasn't a perfect perception. Nonetheless, it was still there.

Originality: Four and a half stars. The perspective you took it through was so different. Nothing judgmental, and the way a connection was transcribed in the words wasn't written in a way it usually is. I can't quite describe it, but it's surely something unique.

Technique: Four stars. Nothing really jumped out at me to say here, but your phrasing through this is still something worth putting here. When reading it, it doesn't feel rushed but it doesn't feel as though it's being endlessly carried out. And with the occasional line that lasts longer than how the others are written, it gives it a sweet effect.

Impact: Four and a half stars. It was the impact that caused me to write this critique. About halfway through, what to say started circulating through my head. If only there were words to express the way I felt when I finished reading this. Not quite a saddening feel, but nothing to make me feel very happy. Not near the edge of anger or any other feelings. It was like a perfect and wonderful neutral effect. I simply can't find the words, so I'll leave it to the stars to tell.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

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:icondemonrobber:
demonrobber Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014
Emotional scars remind us of our journey. It is good to have friends who will protect you and stand by you in troubled times. Together we are stronger. An uplifting piece of verse.
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:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks, I appreciate that
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:iconvicky-eirene:
Vicky-Eirene Featured By Owner May 10, 2014  Student General Artist
Beautiful!! Ilove it!!
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:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you
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:iconbutter-holiday:
butter-holiday Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014
I love this. Your friend sounds very lucky to have you :)
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:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you.
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:iconzylund:
Zylund Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my gosh T^T
I used to say so many similar things to my ex-girlfriend when we were going out because she was a cutter and I would comfort her all the time with stuff like this.
woah.
I love it soo much <333
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you, it was written with that in mind too, scars are apparent in all of us whether emotional, physical, or self inflicted...so I am glad in a way that the feel of this poem came through.
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:iconzylund:
Zylund Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You are most welcome! Thank you for writing such lovely, touching pieces!
That was likely the highlight of my night as far as art goes c:
You did a spectacular job!
Reply
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Now that is too kind, thank you, it means a lot!
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